A Letter To Lego

Dear Lego Star Wars,
Hi. How's it going?
First I would like to congratulate you on your super cool toys. Really. Well done. My kid and many of his other 8 year old friends - well it's like crack to them. I'm not sure how you do it because looking at those Super Death Star Anakin Trooper Rogue Shadow ships does nothing for me. But you get my kid in front of that aisle at Toys R Us and it's all "OH MY GOD MOM LOOK AT THAT! SWEEEEEEET!" Ah what? I didn't hear you because the pretty Barbie an aisle over just winked at me. I think she wants me to come look at her new shoes.

And LSW, can I ask? Do you have kids? I'm guessing not. Otherwise you wouldn't make these super sweet concoctions with 1,500 itsy bitsy teeny weeny pieces. Because dear LSW, THIS is what happens when said 8 year old boy opens up this SWEEEEEEEET birthday gift.

No, this isn't in the safety of his bedroom. This is in the living. Right in the middle of the living room. Fun right?
Ever had one of those pieces lodged between your pinkie and 4th toe? So. Much. Fun!
Ever step on one of these suckers in the middle of the night but you can't scream to the high heavens because you don't want wake your kid, so you mutter every obsencity you have ever heard in a whisper? Good times there!

Also when my child, after hours of trying to build this ship himself, finally looks at me with desperation and says "Mom, can you help?" I look at him as if he has just spoken Cantonese and say with a blank stare, "Ah, I can help by making you a snack!"

You see, I don't DO Lego Star Wars. I do Barbie's hair, and I can dress up a Build A Bear with the greatest of ease. If you need someone to set up your Webkinz animal online, I'm your girl.
But putting together the Battle Trooper Clone Wing Fighter Darth Vadar Ship... nope. Not me.

So dear Lego Star Wars, again super cool toy but could you either start making them with just 3 huge pieces or at least have it come with an instant Geek Guy that can sit with my son for hours and help with him this super cool gift. Oh and if he was cute, single and a Democrat that would be SWEEEEEET!


Sincerely,


I'll Be Sending My Podiatrist Bill To You

The Face Of An Eight Year Old

Wordless Wednesday

An Ode To Thy Bratwurst

Here in Wisconsin we take our German Sausages very seriously. So serious in fact, that we honor our brats twice a year in a festival known throughout the world as (queue the music) BRAT FEST!

If you look up the word "bratwurst" in Wikipedia you find Madison Wisconsin!

The city of Madison, Wisconsin, holds an annual festival billed as the "World's Largest Brat Fest". The four-day charity event sees tens of thousands of brats sold by "celebrity" cashiers, usually local television, radio, and government personalities. Brat Fest's self-proclaimed world record is 189,432 brats consumed during the 2004 event.

For all of those that don't live in Madison Wisconsin and aren't familiar with the insanity and gluttony that is Brat Fest, allow me to explain.

It first started many years ago as a very simple and diminutive affair. It was just a small stand with maybe one grill outside a local grocery store that sold brats and hot dogs for ridiculously cheap prices. It was something like $.50 for a hot dog and a pop and $1 for a brat and a pop.

My father loves my mother, Ben, myself and Brat Fest. In that order. It would be sometime in mid May and the man would all the sudden get this goofy grin on his face and say "You know what's comin' up don't you? BRAT FEST!"

Ben happened to be born over Memorial Day weekend. I brought him home from the hospital with my parents close by. Until my dad realized what weekend it was. This proud grandpa knew the one thing missing from this homecoming was brats. "Who wants a brat?!?" he said eagerly.

Ah yes. Nothing says I want a brat like just having gone through 12 hours of labor, 2 1/2 hours of pushing that resulted in an emergency c-section, spending the past 4 days in the hospital to now be staring at this baby who people tell me is mine but I'm really just waiting for his real parents to come and get him. But off my dad went. Because HELLO!?!? Brat Fest doesn't happen just everyday ya know.

Throughout the years Brat Fest expanded. Very slowly at first but steadily. Soon the little stand became a bigger stand. And then eventually a tent in the parking lot of this grocery store. Until a couple years ago when Brat Fest just couldn't handle it's awesomeness anymore and finally exploded into this!

Yes folks. It is a full on FAIR who's sole dedication is to The Brat! There are bands. There are rides. And there are beers tents (duh! It's Wisconsin! Hell someone sneezes in the summer and that's reason enough for a beer tent)

The gourmet menu is as follows:

Johnsonville Brat $1.50

Oscar Mayer Hot Dog $1.50

Double Johnny $3.00 "New This Year"(A Double Johnny is two juicy Johnsonville brats on one bun)

Boca Brat (vegetarian) $1.50

I hope I didn't send someone into cardiac arrest from just reading about the "Double Johnny".

We, of course, attended Brat Fest this year. It's actually a state requirement. Really. When filling out your taxes at the end of the year, you have to show a ketchup stain from your Brat Fest experience otherwise you get a penalty from the state.

Thank god I have until Labor Day to get rid of my brat baby. And lose the 20 pounds I put on just this weekend.

God Bless Wisconsin.

A Really Good Day

Sometimes there are bad days where everything goes wrong. Those days suck.

But then, just sometimes, there are days like Ben's birthday. Where everything goes right.

Where the temperature outside is perfect. Just a few fluffy clouds in the sky, no bugs, 72 degress with no humidity.

Where all your favorite people show up for the party.

Where you find an empty picnic table right by the playground in a very busy park.

Where the birthday cake melts in the sun but everyone laughs instead of cries.

Where friends and family are gathered together to celebrate a wonderful boy's birthday.

It was a good day. A really good day.

Eight

Happy 8th birthday to the coolest kid...

To the goofiest kid...

To the sweetest boy...

To the sportiest little dude...

To a great friend...

To a very creative guy...

and the best son a mother could ever wish for.

Whenever I hear you say "My mom said..." I feel so lucky and proud that I get to be that person. Your mom.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Now please. Stop growing up. That's an order!

Ben-d It Like Beckham

Ben has been playing soccer for 3 years now.

He's finally at a point where he not only likes it but he's pretty good.

And I'm sorry but there is nothing cuter than this kid in his soccer uniform. I mean LOOK AT HIM!

There was one period during the spring of 1st grade where he hated soccer so much I had to literally bribe him to play the complete game. Often he would just walk around the field all mopey. So I would say "Look, if you run, and actually PLAY for the whole game after this we will go to Target for a toy."

I'm not proud of this parenting technique but hey, we do what we have to do! And it wasn't long before I didn't even have to bribe him.

Now he loves practice and likes the games even more. He will tell me beforehand how many goals he's going to score and who they will be dedicated to. "The first one will be for you mom. and then one for Grandpa and then Grandma."

At a game a couple weeks ago, #9 actually made three goals! Although, um, one was for the other team. But we don't talk about that.

I think participating in sports is really good for kids. They don't have to be good... and sometimes they don't even have to like it. But they should understand what it is to be committed to something, what it means to be part of a team and have that team depend on you. Not to mention how fun being a soccer mom is!

In the fall, when they are big 3rd graders, they will actually play with goalies and real scores! GASP! Hopefully Ben can continue to show off his fancy footwork.

Look out David Beckham... this young gun is coming after your title...

Kids Get It. Why Can't The Rest of America?

On the way to our friends house for dinner, Stella called to find out if we were on our way.
After I got off the phone with her, I said to Ben, "That was Stella. She's so darn cute. I love her."

To which he replied in all his 8 year old cockiness, "Well then why don't you marry her?"
"Well for one, she's my friend. Secondly, she's too young for me and third, she's a girl. So legally I can't marry her, even if I wanted to."
"Why not?"
"Because President Bush and his people say it's illegal for boys to marry boys and girls to marry girls."
"You mean like when people are gay?"
"Yep. Like Jason and Joe."
"JASON AND JOE ARE GAY?!?!"
"Yes honey."
"You mean THEY KISS ON THE LIPS??!"
"Yeah, I'm sure they do."
"Wow! I didn't know they were gay. "
"I thought you knew that. Does it bother you?"

Ben sits and stares out the window for awhile taking this all in.

Then he says in a very serious voice. "No. I don't care. I think it's dumb that they can't get married though."
"Me too. It's SO DUMB and sad. Makes me mad."
"Hey Mom? When Bush isn't the president anymore, can they?"
"Oh I hope so honey."
"Like when Obama is President?"
Sigh
"Yes. Like then."

Getting To Act Like 25 All Over Again

Wordless Wednesday

I Bet Paris Hilton Never Played This Game

When I was little, my mom invented a game called "Shipwreck" This was when we didn't want to leave the house to get food for dinner but we really had nothing in the house to eat. It was either due to the weather, sheer laziness or perhaps lack of money. We would scrimp and scrounge through the cabinets to come up with some fun concoction.

Last night Ben and I invited our own version of Shipwreck.

We were both at loose ends. I was crabby which made him crabby. Yes I have that power. It's one of my many.
It was looking like the end result wasn't going to be good. Especially when I asked the most annoying question on earth. "What do you want for dinner?"

To which the following dialogue ensued.
"What do we have?"
"Not much. We need to go to the grocery store."
"UGH! I HATE GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE!"
"Wow. That's a shock. But we have nothing for dinner or for your lunch for tomorrow. You can pick out whatever you want... (and then the mom light bulb went off) as long as it's under $21"
"$21? Why?"
"Because that's all I have." I said with a smile.
"What do you mean?"
"That's all the money I have."
"Oh my god Mom! That's all you have? Even in the bank?"
"Yep!" I said with a laugh so he wouldn't think I was going to sell all his toys in order to heat the house.

And it worked. He smiled with these wide eyes of fascination.

OK so I fibbed a little. But I did it in the spirit of adventure! I mean it was semi true. That's all the cash I had on me. Doesn't that count? And really, isn't there is something exciting about heading off to the grocery store with only $21 in the whole world and needing to get food? No? I'm insane? Oh. Well so be it.

So off we went with ideas flowing.
"What about cereal?" Ben said
"Well cereal can be expensive. But we can get the generic stuff. That's cheaper."
"And some fruit is cheap."
"Not these days. We'll just check it out and do the math in our heads."

We got to the store and laughed out loud when we automatically went for the cart. "We won't be needing that" I chuckled.
Ben said "We might not even need a basket!"

Even though we go to this store quite often, this time it seemed different. New somehow. We searched high and low for the best deals. Strawberries at $4 a carton were out of the question. But bananas at $.57 a pound were just the thing. And just look at how many we could get!

We got everything we would need for the next two days and cautiously proceeded to check out.

"Self service?" I asked to my partner in crime.
Ben with a serious thoughtful face said "Yes! Because then we won't be embarrassed if we have to put something back."
"Ha! NICE thinkin' kid!"

As we were checking ourselves out we were like two teenagers at a Justin Timberlake concert. Laughing and squealing with everything that ran up. Who knew checking out groceries could be so much fun?!

"OK here come the yogurts."
"ACK! The cereal is a lot!"
"Oh my god Mom! We are at $13.52!"
"And we still have my Lean Cuisine for lunch! Are we going to make it?!"

And we did. When the total came out to $20.43. Ben and I, despite the line behind us, did a high five and took our $.57 change with glee.

We walked out to the car laughing like we had just robbed a bank and so happy with our two bags of groceries.

I honestly think if anything, it was a good lesson to Ben that money doesn't grow on trees. Or on shopping carts.

On the way home, Ben said "Mom, we should be this broke all the time."
Oh ha ha ha... ah... NO!

Hi. My Name Is Becky and I Survived My Son's Birthday Party.

Ben had his friend birthday party yesterday.

His actual birthday isn't until next Saturday but being the shrewd planner that he is (I wonder where he got that from) he decided to have his "friend" party one weekend and then his family birthday party the next weekend, on his real birthday.

Therefore extending his birthday for a full week. No one said this kid was dumb.

Ben wanted to have his party at a local bowling alley with 10 of his closest friends. Sadly (thank god!) three couldn't make it. So it was just 8 of the most well behaved, calm, sweet bunch of kids.

They all sat quietly with their hands folded in their laps, patiently waiting for their turn to bowl. They didn't speak out of turn and they said their "please's" and "thank you's" at all times.

It was a lovely and modest affair.




Educational and useful gifts were given. And all the children sat still and very quiet as the shy birthday boy opened these wise gifts.




I would like to take a moment to publicly thank my friends Shelly and Emily for their strength, generosity, for not leaving me alone with the Wild Things and mostly for their sheer ability to make the insane, somewhat sane. Because of them, I didn't run out of the bowling alley, arms flailing wildly, screaming obscenities as I played hopscotch on the busy street outside.

I believe for Ben's 9th Birthday I will suggest that he can take one very special friend to the library. Where if they are very good, they can each check out TWO BOOKS!

Listen To Your Turkey!

Today was "Ride Your Bike to Work Day".

I did not ride my bike to work because I don't have a bike. And let's be honest here. Even if I DID have a bike, I would not have ridden it to work today.

No, I didn't ride my bike. Instead I drove my less than green, gas guzzling, hole in the exhaust, SUV.

As punishment of this clear violation to the earth, Mother Nature and/or Al Gore made a VERY LARGE and VERY SCARY wild turkey run across the street, right. in. front. of. my. car!

This thing was not only insanely ugly, it was very large and very scary. Birds shouldn't be that big and they definitely shouldn't be running out of the woods across a busy street in the middle of a city! I don't think I took a breath for a good 3 minutes.

Thankfully I did not hit this bad Juju that ran in front of my car. If I did I'm sure I would have died from saying the words "OH MY GOD! Ewwww!" too many times in a row. Really. One can die from that. Just look it up!

I know the fact that I didn't hit this large mammal like bird is a sign from Ma Nature and Al. This time was just a warning. In fact I'm pretty sure this Wild Turkey shook it's little claw at me while my loud SUV slammed on the brakes.

So I got the hint. I'm Green. I'm so green that I make Kermit the Frog look pale. I'm not even going to turn the lights on in my office today and you won't catch me printing out any emails. No sir! None.

The Wild Turkey has spoken and I have listened.

If It Walks Like A Duck, Quacks Like A Duck...

I understand that parts of your body change as you get older. Gravity happens. Fat happens. Life happens. I knew my stomach would change, my ass, my chest… etc.

But my feet! Really?

Over the long cruel winter, under the safety of my socks and boots, my once skinny normal feet have changed. I now present you with an actual picture of my feet taken just this morning.

Yes. I seem to have grown duck feet.

I always knew my feet were crazy flat. It was one of my main excuses for getting out of the military. That and my need for "Love Not War". However in addition to just being flat, over the past year, my feet have seemed to have spread out; horizontally.
A few weeks ago, when I went to try on all my cute strappy summer sandals, they were a little tight. Ok make that very tight.

Weird! How could that be? I must just be swollen for some reason. I'll wear them anyway.

Half way through the day I was begging anyone who would listen to cut my feet off. "Take these evil things off! For the love of everything that is Holy! I don't care how you do it just TAKE THEM OFF!!"

I think I permanently scarred the nice guy at work who takes out our trash.

Last night my mom and I went out shoe shopping. Oh that was fun. The very nice young salesman was trying to get this super cute strappy sandal on my new duck foot. Sadly he was a wuss and gave up early. I half chuckled, half sneered and said with sheer determination "It will fit. Just (grunt grunt) have to (sweating profusely now) get. it. in! Ha, I'm like Cinderella's Ugly Step Sister.. ha ha… it, ah, won't fit."

And my mom, being the love that she is said "oh those shoes are just too narrow. I bet I couldn't get my foot in there either."
Yes you could mom. You aren't part water fowl.

Really, nothing says "I am a HOT young woman" like a pair of sandals where your foot is oozing out the side of a strap. So sexy.
Therefore today I will search online for some super hot, super high heeled, super young, SUPER WIDE DUCK shoes. Because no matter how bad it gets, I will never be caught dead in a sensible orthopedic. What's next? Navy slacks? A tight perm? (I just threw up writing those words)

I think I'll approach Aflac and see if they need a foot body double for their mascot.

Quack.

Quack. Quack.

Bleeding Heart (Liberal)

Wordless Wednesday

Happy Mother's Day - Take Two

Remember the time when Mother's Day came and went and I didn't actually say Happy Mother's Day to my Mom but just to myself and others on this blog.

Remember how I felt like crap? Especially when I read all my favorite Mommy Bloggers and they actually said thanks to THEIR MOTHERS! And they didn't have a picture of themselves and THEIR kid?!?!
Yeah. I remember that too.

So without further ado....

Happy Mother's Day to the most amazing and talented artist

to the most gifted gardener


to the MOST loving and generous Grandma

(she made this quilt, people! and has made one for each of her TEN grandchildren!)

and my best friend.


I love you Mommy. And I don't need a Hallmark holiday to tell you. So there!

Almost A Dancer

Last week as we were leaving the house in the morning, I was grabbing my workout clothes.
Ben saw me doing this and asked "Are those your dance clothes?"
Me: My what?
Ben: Your dance clothes
I laughed
Me: No they are my work out clothes. Honey, why would you think I have dance clothes?
Ben: Because when you come to pick me up, you and Grandma are always talking about your dance clothes.

I'm so confused and then, all of the sudden, a lightbulb goes off and I start laughing so hard I can't talk.

Finally when I get it together I get out,
"Oh Ben. We are talking about our Dansko's. They are shoes. The name of the shoes I am wearing right now is Dansko."
Ben: Oh.
And he laughs.

For one brief moment in time, my kid thought I was a dancer. Sigh.

Happy Mudders Day!

The boy lays his head in his mother's lap while she strokes his hair.

"Do you love me Mommy?"
"Ooh that's a tough one. Hmmm. (she laughs) Yes I love you. More than anything."
"Do you like me too?"
"Yes. Very much. You are my best friend."
"I don't love or like you."

The mother fakes shock with a sharp intake of breath

"APRIL FOOLS!"
"Don't you mean May Fools?"
"I love you Mommy. So much I can't stand it."

Happy Mothers Day to all the wonderful mothers out there.

I know mine will be great. Just because of him.

Cheating On My Work Husband

Earlier this week I had lunch with a new friend at work.
This didn't go over well with Josh.

Josh has been with the company for 10+ years and doesn't have many friends at work, besides me. And none that he would actually go to lunch with.
I have been here 7 months and have a new friend. But then again, that's just me.

When I announced that I was having lunch with Kelly, Josh tried to act cool and then just gave up on that one.

Right after singing "Runaway Train" to himself like Michael Scott did on the "Money" episode of the office...

Josh: So where are you going?
Becky: Cheeseburger in Paradise.
Josh: Weird! Me too.

me laughing

Becky: Are you going to sit in your car with your McDonald's and just watch us from afar.
Josh: Um, yeah. You got a problem with that?
Becky: Seriously, do you want to come?
Josh: No. I have plans. With, um, my wife. We are going to Cheeseburger in Paradise.

30 minutes pass

Josh: You know, you don't know if she is your friend yet.
Becky: Who? Kelly? Yes I do. I like her. Ergo, my friend.
Josh: YOU DON'T KNOW! She could eat weird or suck on her teeth when she eats ... or I bet she smells weird!
Becky: She doesn't smell weird.
Josh: Well, you just don't know.

more time passes

Josh: (laughing) I hope Kelly turns out to be the niece of President Bush and doesn't believe in Global Warming either.

After lunch

Becky: Well that sucked. She smelled super bad, is working for the McCain campaign and made me pay for lunch.
Josh: (smiles) Yeah I bet. That should teach you for cheating on me with another co-worker.
Becky: It will never happen again. At least not this week.

The Power of the Bullseye

I believe everyone has their weaknesses. For some it's shoes. For some it's chocolate. Heck, even Superman had kryptonite. There is something out there that renders even the strongest person weak.

For me, it's a little store called Target. Sigh. Target. Even the name puts a stupid grin on my face.

I always try to deny the power that Target has over me. Every time, before I go, I write out a list. Oh how stupid am I? How naive? Honey, that list that you have been making all these years... really? When has it ever worked?

But none the less, I write out everything I need and only the essentials.
"Toilet paper, antibacterial wipes, socks for Ben, sponges, napkins and laundry detergent."

I park, and walk in through those pearly gates, clenching my list, sure that THIS time, Target won't have the power over me that it always does.

As soon as both feet are through the door, the essense of Target washes over me. It's like a warm feeling that hugs me like a grandma and smells like fresh baked cookies. She ushers me in... gives me a cart even though I insist I just need a little basket for these mere items. OK, fine, I'll take a cart. And before I know it, this force is steering me towards the purses. Oh so pretty. OOH orange! A cute orange purse! I must have it! AND IT'S ON SALE!!

And then, like in a fog, I wander past the jewelry. Necklaces, bracelets and earrings. Oh my!

Don't even get me started on what happens when I near the candle aisle. Who needs an orgasm when there are CANDLES THAT ARE PINK, SMELL LIKE CHERRYBERRYCHEESECAKE AND ARE 30% OFF?!?!?

Once I'm out of the store and back in my car, inevitably the magic wears off and I'm left sitting there with the now wrinkled, torn, sad list and the overwhelming feeling that once again my mission was not accomplished. With a big sigh I say in a little defeated voice, "Crap. It happened again."

There was seriously a time in my life when my finances were less than stellar. Shocking, I know. During those days I literally had to have a chaperon accompany me to Target. When I would start to walk away in a daze towards the shoes my aide would quietly pull me back by the elbow and kindly say "Becky dear, the paper towels are this way."

If it wasn't for Walgreen's (the sad spinster step sister of Target) or the grocery store (yawn), my son would be saying "Mommy, can you please do laundry today? I have nothing to wear!"

"Ah, um, well honey we ah, don't have any laundry soap. Maybe you could wear my new purse to school tomorrow?"
"Well did you at least get some light bulbs? I need to do my homework and the light has been burned out in my room for weeks."
"Ah yeah, about that. It was so weird because Target was all out of lightbulbs! BUT I have something better! Check out this candle...."

My Sister Has Seven. Can't I Keep Just This One?

Wordless Wednesday

Barely Had Time For This Post

Is it me or does it seem like there just isn't a spare moment in the day anymore? Everyone seems to be so busy all the time. Even my parents joked last night that Ben is going to have to pencil in time for them since even he is so busy these days.

There is always something to do, somewhere to go, laundry to do, soccer practices to get to, bills to pay, children to bathe, birthday parties to attend, workouts to get in (listen to me. Ha! Those are always the first to get pushed aside) and more laundry to do. It's exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I'm really not complaining. I have a great life but a breather here or there wouldn't be so bad. Right?

And also, whoever took April, please give it back. How is April already over? Am I Rip Van Winkle and I slept through an entire month? Yoo Hoo! April? Where ARE you???
Could someone please explain how it is possible that my son is going to be 8 this month?!? The sheer idea makes me queasy. I swear last week he was 4.

My cousin Amy is planning a trip out here this summer and when we were trying to find time on the calendar for her to come out, it was not an easy task. "Well, we have baseball then and camp then and going to camping with so and so then…"

Maybe I'm just feeling this way lately because spring is finally here, summer is coming and the activities are upon us. Gone are the days of winter hibernation and hunkering down. (again, not complaining - although it's really starting to look that way huh?)

Also, I recently watched Into the Wild - which is a true story about a young guy who gives up everything to live off the land. He has no car, no money, just the belongings on his back. Granted there wasn't a happy ending to this adventure, but there is something so romantic about that notion. Being on your own schedule, doing your own thing when you want and where you want, going wherever the road takes you. Not having to answer the phone or email. Sigh. Heaven right?
Eh, who am I kidding?! I would last 1 week without a shower, my computer, getting my nails done and a really good Mexican meal. Yeah, I know. Make that 3 days. Fine, 2!

I think I just need a weekend with nothing to do and no plans. I think I could pencil that in. Hmmm, I could do that… um, October 11th looks clear.

Or perhaps I could come down with the mysterious SATC Flu. It's a very serious ailment. The only known cure is to sit down to watch back to back episodes of Sex And The City while eating copious amounts Ben and Jerry's. Any flavor will do.

Hey, I'm basically a doctor. Trust me.

Hello Lover!

Why, HELLO SPRING!

You sure took your sweet time getting here but you were worth the wait!

Damn girl! Check you out. Now I think you're just showing off.

Well done Spring. You are truly a class act all the way. Kind of temperamental and high maintenance at times but when you put your mind to it, you are breath taking.

Oh and above all, thanks. I'm much less likely to want to juggle with knives and fire now that Winter has finally left the building.