Dear Winter,

Dear Winter,

Suck it!

Sincerely,

Cold, Pale, Dry and Pissed in Wisconsin

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Ok , that wasn't very nice... let's try this again:

Dear Winter,

Hi.

How are you?

Actually don't answer that because I don't really care. Winter, can I give you some constructive criticism? I can? Thanks! Although as I have learned in Having Difficult Conversations 101 I'll give you some compliments first.

1) You were pretty in December. Thanks for a white Christmas. It was lovely.

2) You did make for some cozy nights at home with my son. Fire on, candles lit, movie playing, popcorn eaten. So again, thanks for that.

3) You let all the snow bunnies have some fun times sledding, skiing, skating, ice fishing and snowboarding. I, personally, didn't do any of the above but I'm sure there are some happy people out there

Ok, but Winter, here comes the hard part… the moment of truth. Winter, you have over stayed your welcome. It's time to go. You are like the unwanted guest at a party who comes too early, leaves late and eats and drinks everything in sight. Really honey, it's so tacky.

You should take your queue from Spring and Fall. Now there are some seasons. They come like a beautiful breeze bringing with them a lovely change in the weather. And then, in a blink of an eye, they are gone, leaving everyone wanting more. Spring and Fall have definitely taken a page from The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right. Nice job seasons!
And then there's Winter. You are more like the Ugly-Desperate-Needy-Step-Sister who wears slacks and sensible shoes.
Ok and seriously, what was your deal this season? Who pissed in your Cheerios? My god! We get it, YOU. ARE. PISSED! Was it that Summer lasted until October 10th? Did you feel the need to show up all the seasons and break some records of your own this year? Or are you trying to scare the world into going Green? If that's the case, I have to tell you, you surely aren't helping with this attitude! All the salt we have used, all the gas from the snow blowers, not to mention all the snow plows running all night long. Trust me, Al Gore will NOT be pleased with you Winter and you really DON'T want to get on his bad side.

Look, all I'm saying is it's really time to go. Lovely Spring will be here before you know it and you BETTER have all this snow and ice gone before she gets here. Please! My toes need to see the air and the sun.

Oh and next season, try some Prozac and talk therapy before you descend again on Wisconsin.

Glad we had this little chat.
Buh bye now.

Take care.

Off you go…

*this picture was not taken this year - if it was, the kid and the snowman would have been covered in 100 inches of snow.