Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Power of the Bullseye

I believe everyone has their weaknesses. For some it's shoes. For some it's chocolate. Heck, even Superman had kryptonite. There is something out there that renders even the strongest person weak.

For me, it's a little store called Target. Sigh. Target. Even the name puts a stupid grin on my face.

I always try to deny the power that Target has over me. Every time, before I go, I write out a list. Oh how stupid am I? How naive? Honey, that list that you have been making all these years... really? When has it ever worked?

But none the less, I write out everything I need and only the essentials.
"Toilet paper, antibacterial wipes, socks for Ben, sponges, napkins and laundry detergent."

I park, and walk in through those pearly gates, clenching my list, sure that THIS time, Target won't have the power over me that it always does.

As soon as both feet are through the door, the essense of Target washes over me. It's like a warm feeling that hugs me like a grandma and smells like fresh baked cookies. She ushers me in... gives me a cart even though I insist I just need a little basket for these mere items. OK, fine, I'll take a cart. And before I know it, this force is steering me towards the purses. Oh so pretty. OOH orange! A cute orange purse! I must have it! AND IT'S ON SALE!!

And then, like in a fog, I wander past the jewelry. Necklaces, bracelets and earrings. Oh my!

Don't even get me started on what happens when I near the candle aisle. Who needs an orgasm when there are CANDLES THAT ARE PINK, SMELL LIKE CHERRYBERRYCHEESECAKE AND ARE 30% OFF?!?!?

Once I'm out of the store and back in my car, inevitably the magic wears off and I'm left sitting there with the now wrinkled, torn, sad list and the overwhelming feeling that once again my mission was not accomplished. With a big sigh I say in a little defeated voice, "Crap. It happened again."

There was seriously a time in my life when my finances were less than stellar. Shocking, I know. During those days I literally had to have a chaperon accompany me to Target. When I would start to walk away in a daze towards the shoes my aide would quietly pull me back by the elbow and kindly say "Becky dear, the paper towels are this way."

If it wasn't for Walgreen's (the sad spinster step sister of Target) or the grocery store (yawn), my son would be saying "Mommy, can you please do laundry today? I have nothing to wear!"

"Ah, um, well honey we ah, don't have any laundry soap. Maybe you could wear my new purse to school tomorrow?"
"Well did you at least get some light bulbs? I need to do my homework and the light has been burned out in my room for weeks."
"Ah yeah, about that. It was so weird because Target was all out of lightbulbs! BUT I have something better! Check out this candle...."


Sheleena said...

The checkout lady looked at me quite confused the other day.

She asked me, as I was paying, if I wanted to open a Target credit card and save $5.

When I responeded with "Now that's just mean" she just started at me.

I love Target too much already! To walk in and not have to SEE the cash leave my fingers, would just be too much.

The Foval Girls said...

ahhh...Becky that's why you need to check out the cheaper and more green St. Vinny's! I'm not scaaared...I love it!

Thanks for the group therapy!

Love ya, EM

Shannon said...

Becky, this is for you:

Becky said...

OMG that's awesome Shannon! Thank you!

Emily, I went to St Vinny's today and got Ben a couple shirts but shhh, don't tell him!

Shannon said...

Thought you'd like that ;)