Tuesday, April 1, 2008


Dear April Fools,
You suck.
You are seriously. not. funny. In fact you are painfully annoying. I would rather have 12 Valentines Day's in a row than one of you (and trust me A.F.D that's saying A LOT!) My new favorite day of the year isn't Halloween (sorry Halloween if you are reading this… I really REALLY love you… Miss you!) it's April 2nd. Why? Because then I don't have to deal with April 1st for 364 more days!

I think I have a fairly good sense of humor but I can honestly say, you aren't funny. Being on edge and not trusting your friends and family ALL DAY because they might pull a prank on you?!? How is that funny? What happened to you as a young Holiday? Were you overweight with bad acne and the uncool jeans? Did you not have a date to the school dances? Were you never picked first for gym class so this is how you get repay us for the rest of eternity?

I have had to deal with you for 36 years and I'm telling you, it's not getting any better.
Maybe my true disdain for you started when I was 7 or 8. Getting ready for school, minding my own business when I heard my beloved father scream from the kitchen. I flew down the steps, three at a time, to see what was wrong. Only to find my father standing in the kitchen holding his bloody finger in a box and screaming "OH MY GOD! I CUT IT OFF!!!!!!!" After I passed out and came to there was my sweet dad looking down on me smiling and saying "April Fools Honey!" I'm not sure I ever truly forgave him for this act and I blame it on you, A.F.D.

I also blame you for today:
*my kid telling me his favorite and most expensive pair of jeans ripped this morning. APRIL FOOLS!
*my child and I chasing down the bus through the streets of Madison, said child wearing the NON RIPPED jeans.
*me not wearing a coat today thinking it would be 50 when, no, that's tomorrow, the high will only be 32 today.
*the receptionist telling me on my way to my office - had I heard? Barack Obama dropped out of the race! APRIL FOOLS!
*my friend Emily calling me and leaving a message "oh too bad you aren't there, Stella and I were going to play an April Fools joke on you…" Thank god I was in the bathroom and couldn't get to my phone.
And this is ALL BEFORE 10 AM!

Why can't you be more like other firsts of the month? New Year's Day? Lovely. May Day? Sigh, enough said. Why must you insist on being a pain in the ass?

I truly can not wait to see what else you have in store for me today you Useless-Excuse-for-a Mock-Oliday.

Not A Fan

No comments: