The Fax of Life

As I have mentioned before, my office is quite small. It's just Josh, myself and our machines... a fax machine and a printer. Since both are vital for us to do our jobs, they have become part of the family. The fax machine is Fred and the printer, Patty.

Fred is very finicky. If you don't feed the paper into him just right he screams like a 2 year old having a temper tantrum. Some might choose to call it "beeping" but I call it screaming.

Last week, Fred had one of these fits. Maybe it was the full moon. Maybe it was that Patty just got new toner. I'm not really sure. I just know he didn't like it when either Josh or I stuffed him with paper.
At one point, he got so mad, he chose to eat a piece.
We were working when Fred started to scream.
BEEP!
"Ugh, now what?"
BEEEEEP!
Josh walks over. "What is your deal today? You have paper!"
BEEEEEEEEPPPP!
CRUNCH! Crinkle. Crinkle.
"Uh oh, that doesn't sound good." I say.
Just then Fred spits out only half a piece of paper.
Josh opens the cover and goes in to retrieve the other piece of paper that is still in Fred's mouth. Josh does get the paper out but Fred won't give up that easy.
Josh then closes the cover.
BEEEEEEEEPPPPPP!
"You ate it! Spit it out if you don't want it anymore."
BEEEEEEEP
"THE COVER IS OPEN BECAUSE YOU SAID TO 'PLEASE OPEN COVER'!!! Now it's telling me to 'please close cover'.
BEEP
"Oh, this is going to be a fun game! Cover is again open. What would you like? Do you want more paper? Are you hungry? Well I don't know what to tell you. Check drum unit?!? What does that have to do with anything!?"

All the while I am cry laughing at my desk at the power struggle between man and machine.
I think my favorite is when Josh finally really lost it and started to beep in the same exact tone as Fred.

Finally after all was said, done and FIXED, the office was very quiet. I think that was Fred and Josh's silent male way of apologizing to each other.

Me on the other hand... I giggled about it for the rest of the day.

This is just one of the many reasons, if I won the lottery today I would still come into work tomorrow.

Cheating On My Work Husband

Earlier this week I had lunch with a new friend at work.
This didn't go over well with Josh.

Josh has been with the company for 10+ years and doesn't have many friends at work, besides me. And none that he would actually go to lunch with.
I have been here 7 months and have a new friend. But then again, that's just me.

When I announced that I was having lunch with Kelly, Josh tried to act cool and then just gave up on that one.

Right after singing "Runaway Train" to himself like Michael Scott did on the "Money" episode of the office...

Josh: So where are you going?
Becky: Cheeseburger in Paradise.
Josh: Weird! Me too.

me laughing

Becky: Are you going to sit in your car with your McDonald's and just watch us from afar.
Josh: Um, yeah. You got a problem with that?
Becky: Seriously, do you want to come?
Josh: No. I have plans. With, um, my wife. We are going to Cheeseburger in Paradise.

30 minutes pass

Josh: You know, you don't know if she is your friend yet.
Becky: Who? Kelly? Yes I do. I like her. Ergo, my friend.
Josh: YOU DON'T KNOW! She could eat weird or suck on her teeth when she eats ... or I bet she smells weird!
Becky: She doesn't smell weird.
Josh: Well, you just don't know.

more time passes

Josh: (laughing) I hope Kelly turns out to be the niece of President Bush and doesn't believe in Global Warming either.

After lunch

Becky: Well that sucked. She smelled super bad, is working for the McCain campaign and made me pay for lunch.
Josh: (smiles) Yeah I bet. That should teach you for cheating on me with another co-worker.
Becky: It will never happen again. At least not this week.

The Crazy Bed

Today at work, a few of us decided to order pizza.

Josh sent out this email:
Here is the pizza plan.
Little Caesar's
1 pepperoni
1 sausage
1 crazy bed = $4.33 per person
sharing it all with work buddies = priceless

Crazy Bread/Crazy Bed. What's the difference really?
I love spell check.
Josh had no idea what was wrong until I wrote back:
I can't wait for the crazy bed! Are we all going to sleep in it or just jump on it?

2 Republicans and 1 Democrat in a Crazy Bed. Priceless!

For Josh's Sake

I have terrible luck with men. Really, it's just… bad! I seem to have a knack at picking the crazies, narcissists or the ones who are scared by their own shadow. And it seems as if the past six months have been particularly unlucky. Or maybe I'm just seeing this through the eyes of Josh.

Josh is my co-worker. Actually to call him my "co-worker" is putting it mildly. More accurately, Josh = my work. We sit in a fairly small office, and it's just the two of us in there. In fact it's just the two of us in this whole small department. If he is gone, I'm alone. Yes there are other people in the building but those are just "Hi, how are you?" people. You get the idea.
Luckily we get along great even though we really have nothing in common. Besides our differences on religion, politics and Global Warming (which I have now forbid us to talk about) our love lives couldn't be more different. Josh married his high school sweetheart and other than one other girl that he dated briefly in middle school, he has had this one wonderful woman in his life for 12+ years. People, the guy is only 29.
Then there is me. I now laugh at what the Universe has doled out to me as far as my love life goes. But for Josh, watching and living through this has been a painful experience for him as the men in my life seem to come and go. Quickly.

To me, it's like a clumsy person stubbing their toe all the time. Yeah it hurts for a minute but you get over it quickly. For poor Josh, he's getting a toe amputated each time one of these so called relationships of mine fail.
This last one might have put the poor guy over the edge.

I really thought this latest guy, I'll call "Jack", might have had potential and might have lasted longer than 2 weeks. I even declared before my trip to Seattle "Josh, I think I might be officially off the market!" It was a happy time in our little office.

Until yesterday.
Josh came in Monday morning and said "So… how was the birthday party? "Jack" came right? You guys had a great night, RIGHT?!?!"

There was silence.

Josh: Becky?
Me: Um… no. He didn't show up.
Josh: WHAT? WHY?!?!
Me: Well, he said he was sick.
Josh: Oh OK. Whew.
Me: Um, but I haven't heard from him since.
Josh: Uh oh. That isn't a good sign. What did you do?
Me: HEY! I did nothing! Really! But yeah, I don't have a great feeling about it either. I'll email him and see what's going on.

3 hours later

Me: (sharp intake of breath) What!? JERK! Whatever!!!
Josh: Oh no... What?!
Me: Oh "Jack" and I are really done now.
Josh: NO!!! What happened? Are you kidding? TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!!

Like the stubbed toe, I was upset but was even starting to get over it as the end of the work day approached. At one point I looked back at Josh who was just sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. He said in an exasperated voice and almost talking to himself "I don't know what to tell you Becky. I don't know what it is. What can I do but to offer a shoulder to cry on?"

After work I went to the gym and then hung out with my cute kid to dull the pain. The pancakes I made for dinner didn't hurt things either.

Josh, on the other hand, didn't bounce back as easily from this one. This morning he came into the office and didn't say "Good morning" Didn't even say "Hi." First thing out of his mouth was "OK I have been thinking about this. The next guy you date, do the EXACT OPPOSITE of whatever you have been doing."

"OK, and what would that be?"

"I don't know. Just DO IT!"


I have a first date on Thursday night. For Josh's sake, I really hope it goes well.