A Letter To Ben's 2nd Grade Teacher

Dear Tonya,

Thank you so much for teaching my kid how to read, how to do math that even I didn't understand and for making him become a good, responsible kid.

We will miss you so much next year.

I do have a couple questions for you though.

When you said in Ben's end of the year report card, that he should read 20 minutes a day this summer, you really meant he should be playing his new PS2 20 minutes a day right?

And then when you said he should develop a pen pal and write this summer, you really meant he should IM with his Grandma over Yahoo Messenger. Right?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:31:04 PM): HELLO!

gma (6/18/2008 5:31:22 PM): Hello there. Are you Becky or Ben?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:31:33 PM): B E N

gma (6/18/2008 5:31:42 PM): Hi dere, what's new?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:32:02 PM): No Nothen

gma (6/18/2008 5:32:44 PM): Oh, well, is your mom having company for dinner?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:33:23 PM): yes

gma (6/18/2008 5:33:34 PM): What is she cooking?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:33:49 PM): hold on

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:34:32 PM): a ardacok chikon

gma (6/18/2008 5:34:55 PM): Do you mean Artichoke Chicken?

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:35:04 PM): ya

gma (6/18/2008 5:35:40 PM): Don't be sad. Be happy! That will be delicious!

princessmikkimoto (6/18/2008 5:36:07 PM): okay

gma (6/18/2008 5:36:31 PM): You're funny. I have to go now. So byebye for now!!!!!

Yeah I thought so. Great! Thanks for the clarification, Tonya! Have a great summer!

Signed,

Mother Of The Year and the Child Who Will Forget Everything He Learned By September 2nd.

Home Alone

Last Saturday marked a big day in the lives of Becky and Ben.

It was the first time I left my boy alone.

As his 8th birthday was approaching, I was talking to some other mom friends about when they first left their kids home by themselves. They all agreed that 8 was a fine age to just run to the grocery store or to pick up their other child and confirmed that they had all done it once or twice in the past.

I, however, was apprehensive as I didn't think neither Ben nor I were ready for this. No peer pressure for THIS girl anymore. See Mom? I have evolved.

The subject was broached a couple times to Ben before this monumental day. Being my son and therefore being wickedly smart and responsible (ha!) he said "Maybe when I'm like 9 or 10."
"Good idea!" I agreed hastily.

Then Saturday morning happened. I needed desperately to run to the grocery store to pick up a couple things for a "end of the soccer year" picnic.

"Hey Ben, we have to go to the grocery store. Ok?"

I'm pretty certain I didn't ask him if he wanted to be abducted by aliens, renamed "Montdo" and taken to another galaxy far far away. But if I did ask that question, I'm sure I would have gotten the same look.

"Ok, here's an idea. What if I go by myself?"
"TO THE GROCERY STORE?! AND I STAY HOME ALONE?!?!?"
"Yeah. I think that would be ok. Don't you? I'm just going to the one down the street. I will be gone 20 minutes at the most."
"Um..."
"Or you can come with me. But I have to go now."
"Ah... ok! You can just go. Just um, lock the door."

So I took a deep breath, said some hail Mary's (again GREAT Jew huh?) wrote down my cell phone number, Grandma and Grandpa's number, told him not to answer the phone or the door and gave him a kiss.

And then I ran.

Folks, I don't run. This body doesn't run. But it did that day. To him I was all cool and calm. But on the very short drive to the store I was nauseous and dizzy. "OH. MY. GOD! I LEFT MY BABY AT HOME. ALONE! What the f*ck was I thinking?! OH MY GOD!!!!"

I honestly don't remember the time IN the grocery store since I was moving at warp speed. Flying up and down the aisles like the Tasmanian Devil, whipping things off the shelves and into my cart. And of course I got only half what I needed... the other half, no clue what I was thinking. I ended up with some limeade (what? ewww!) chili in a can (meant to get refried beans) and Ranch dressing seasoning? Huh? When have I ever made Ranch dressing from scratch? I don't even like Ranch dressing that much.

When I made it home after only 22 minutes of being gone, all was fine. Ben was cool as a cucumber and I don't think he even moved from his spot on the couch.
"Hey mom."
I was sweating and panting and trying to be cool too. "Oh hey." puff puff "How did you do?" Pant pant, struggle for breath.
"Great. Hey did you get more milk? I'm thirsty!"

Shoot. Milk.

I don't think this is going to be a common occurrence and not just because I can't afford to buy the wrong food all the time, but it is nice to know I can make the occasional quick trip out if I need to.
Although in preparation for my next Grocery Store Mad Dash, I should probably hit the gym a little more.

I'm Pretty Sure This Is How Tiger Woods Was Raised

On Father's Day, Ben and I went over to my parents for a good old fashioned cook out. Beer brats, corn on the cob, potato salad, watermelon and ice cream.

Afterwards my mom and I were in such a food coma we actually sat in the living room with the old man to watch golf. Yes. You read that correctly. My mother and I watched golf. Bless my dad's heart as he tried to make it as exciting as possible for us. Little did he know we could have watched The Paint Is Drying channel and been happy campers. A food coma and vowing to never eat anything again for the rest of your life will render you helpless and at the mercy of such boring things as golf.

At one point, I sort of came to, and mumbled, "Wow. Mom. We are watching golf! It must be Father's Day."

Ben chimed in and said "I have watched golf before."
I said "Oh really honey? With Grandpa sometime huh?"

"Yeah. And then one time at home when there was nothing else on TV and you were taking a nap."
Oh. Yes. Ha ha. One of those days.

I'm anxiously waiting by the phone for Parents magazine to call and ask me to do a never ending series on parenting. The classy way.

Perhaps The "Where Do Babies Come From" Conversation Would Be Easier

Ben: Mom?

me: Yep?

Ben: So someone made up the story about the Tooth Fairy. That's obvious.

Oh god no. Please don't let this be "is the big jolly old guy in the red suit real" conversation!

Ben: So... maybe someone just made up Santa too.

me: Hey do you want hot lunch tomorrow or do you want me to make you a lunch?

Ben: I mean no one has really SEEN Santa, right Mom?

me: We have fresh strawberries I could put in your lunch.

Ben: Mom! Are you even listening?

Listening but trying very hard to avoid and change this subject. Must get train off track...

me: Ok well someone had to have seen him in order to tell the story and pass it down from generation to generation. Right?

Ben: Who did? Who saw him?

What in the hell is a nice Jewish girl like me doing defending Chris Kringle to an 8 year old!? How did I get here?

me: Ooh how about some dessert!

Ben: OK but Mom?

me: Yeah?

Ben: Maybe Santa isn't real.

You know what? NO! Thanks to my laziness he already lost the Tooth Fairy, he just turned 8, he's going into 3rd grade. No! I get to keep this a little longer.

me: Well honey, I choose to believe in Santa. Because, I just want to.

pause

Ben: Yeah. Me too! I believe! And Mom?

me: Yeah?

Ben: I'll have ice cream.


Whew! Thanks to me, Santa, you are safe again. You owe me fat man! The ring size is 8.

A Letter To Lego

Dear Lego Star Wars,
Hi. How's it going?
First I would like to congratulate you on your super cool toys. Really. Well done. My kid and many of his other 8 year old friends - well it's like crack to them. I'm not sure how you do it because looking at those Super Death Star Anakin Trooper Rogue Shadow ships does nothing for me. But you get my kid in front of that aisle at Toys R Us and it's all "OH MY GOD MOM LOOK AT THAT! SWEEEEEEET!" Ah what? I didn't hear you because the pretty Barbie an aisle over just winked at me. I think she wants me to come look at her new shoes.

And LSW, can I ask? Do you have kids? I'm guessing not. Otherwise you wouldn't make these super sweet concoctions with 1,500 itsy bitsy teeny weeny pieces. Because dear LSW, THIS is what happens when said 8 year old boy opens up this SWEEEEEEEET birthday gift.

No, this isn't in the safety of his bedroom. This is in the living. Right in the middle of the living room. Fun right?
Ever had one of those pieces lodged between your pinkie and 4th toe? So. Much. Fun!
Ever step on one of these suckers in the middle of the night but you can't scream to the high heavens because you don't want wake your kid, so you mutter every obsencity you have ever heard in a whisper? Good times there!

Also when my child, after hours of trying to build this ship himself, finally looks at me with desperation and says "Mom, can you help?" I look at him as if he has just spoken Cantonese and say with a blank stare, "Ah, I can help by making you a snack!"

You see, I don't DO Lego Star Wars. I do Barbie's hair, and I can dress up a Build A Bear with the greatest of ease. If you need someone to set up your Webkinz animal online, I'm your girl.
But putting together the Battle Trooper Clone Wing Fighter Darth Vadar Ship... nope. Not me.

So dear Lego Star Wars, again super cool toy but could you either start making them with just 3 huge pieces or at least have it come with an instant Geek Guy that can sit with my son for hours and help with him this super cool gift. Oh and if he was cute, single and a Democrat that would be SWEEEEEET!


Sincerely,


I'll Be Sending My Podiatrist Bill To You

I Bet Paris Hilton Never Played This Game

When I was little, my mom invented a game called "Shipwreck" This was when we didn't want to leave the house to get food for dinner but we really had nothing in the house to eat. It was either due to the weather, sheer laziness or perhaps lack of money. We would scrimp and scrounge through the cabinets to come up with some fun concoction.

Last night Ben and I invited our own version of Shipwreck.

We were both at loose ends. I was crabby which made him crabby. Yes I have that power. It's one of my many.
It was looking like the end result wasn't going to be good. Especially when I asked the most annoying question on earth. "What do you want for dinner?"

To which the following dialogue ensued.
"What do we have?"
"Not much. We need to go to the grocery store."
"UGH! I HATE GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE!"
"Wow. That's a shock. But we have nothing for dinner or for your lunch for tomorrow. You can pick out whatever you want... (and then the mom light bulb went off) as long as it's under $21"
"$21? Why?"
"Because that's all I have." I said with a smile.
"What do you mean?"
"That's all the money I have."
"Oh my god Mom! That's all you have? Even in the bank?"
"Yep!" I said with a laugh so he wouldn't think I was going to sell all his toys in order to heat the house.

And it worked. He smiled with these wide eyes of fascination.

OK so I fibbed a little. But I did it in the spirit of adventure! I mean it was semi true. That's all the cash I had on me. Doesn't that count? And really, isn't there is something exciting about heading off to the grocery store with only $21 in the whole world and needing to get food? No? I'm insane? Oh. Well so be it.

So off we went with ideas flowing.
"What about cereal?" Ben said
"Well cereal can be expensive. But we can get the generic stuff. That's cheaper."
"And some fruit is cheap."
"Not these days. We'll just check it out and do the math in our heads."

We got to the store and laughed out loud when we automatically went for the cart. "We won't be needing that" I chuckled.
Ben said "We might not even need a basket!"

Even though we go to this store quite often, this time it seemed different. New somehow. We searched high and low for the best deals. Strawberries at $4 a carton were out of the question. But bananas at $.57 a pound were just the thing. And just look at how many we could get!

We got everything we would need for the next two days and cautiously proceeded to check out.

"Self service?" I asked to my partner in crime.
Ben with a serious thoughtful face said "Yes! Because then we won't be embarrassed if we have to put something back."
"Ha! NICE thinkin' kid!"

As we were checking ourselves out we were like two teenagers at a Justin Timberlake concert. Laughing and squealing with everything that ran up. Who knew checking out groceries could be so much fun?!

"OK here come the yogurts."
"ACK! The cereal is a lot!"
"Oh my god Mom! We are at $13.52!"
"And we still have my Lean Cuisine for lunch! Are we going to make it?!"

And we did. When the total came out to $20.43. Ben and I, despite the line behind us, did a high five and took our $.57 change with glee.

We walked out to the car laughing like we had just robbed a bank and so happy with our two bags of groceries.

I honestly think if anything, it was a good lesson to Ben that money doesn't grow on trees. Or on shopping carts.

On the way home, Ben said "Mom, we should be this broke all the time."
Oh ha ha ha... ah... NO!

Hi. My Name Is Becky and I Survived My Son's Birthday Party.

Ben had his friend birthday party yesterday.

His actual birthday isn't until next Saturday but being the shrewd planner that he is (I wonder where he got that from) he decided to have his "friend" party one weekend and then his family birthday party the next weekend, on his real birthday.

Therefore extending his birthday for a full week. No one said this kid was dumb.

Ben wanted to have his party at a local bowling alley with 10 of his closest friends. Sadly (thank god!) three couldn't make it. So it was just 8 of the most well behaved, calm, sweet bunch of kids.

They all sat quietly with their hands folded in their laps, patiently waiting for their turn to bowl. They didn't speak out of turn and they said their "please's" and "thank you's" at all times.

It was a lovely and modest affair.




Educational and useful gifts were given. And all the children sat still and very quiet as the shy birthday boy opened these wise gifts.




I would like to take a moment to publicly thank my friends Shelly and Emily for their strength, generosity, for not leaving me alone with the Wild Things and mostly for their sheer ability to make the insane, somewhat sane. Because of them, I didn't run out of the bowling alley, arms flailing wildly, screaming obscenities as I played hopscotch on the busy street outside.

I believe for Ben's 9th Birthday I will suggest that he can take one very special friend to the library. Where if they are very good, they can each check out TWO BOOKS!

Almost A Dancer

Last week as we were leaving the house in the morning, I was grabbing my workout clothes.
Ben saw me doing this and asked "Are those your dance clothes?"
Me: My what?
Ben: Your dance clothes
I laughed
Me: No they are my work out clothes. Honey, why would you think I have dance clothes?
Ben: Because when you come to pick me up, you and Grandma are always talking about your dance clothes.

I'm so confused and then, all of the sudden, a lightbulb goes off and I start laughing so hard I can't talk.

Finally when I get it together I get out,
"Oh Ben. We are talking about our Dansko's. They are shoes. The name of the shoes I am wearing right now is Dansko."
Ben: Oh.
And he laughs.

For one brief moment in time, my kid thought I was a dancer. Sigh.

Barely Had Time For This Post

Is it me or does it seem like there just isn't a spare moment in the day anymore? Everyone seems to be so busy all the time. Even my parents joked last night that Ben is going to have to pencil in time for them since even he is so busy these days.

There is always something to do, somewhere to go, laundry to do, soccer practices to get to, bills to pay, children to bathe, birthday parties to attend, workouts to get in (listen to me. Ha! Those are always the first to get pushed aside) and more laundry to do. It's exhausting. Don't get me wrong, I'm really not complaining. I have a great life but a breather here or there wouldn't be so bad. Right?

And also, whoever took April, please give it back. How is April already over? Am I Rip Van Winkle and I slept through an entire month? Yoo Hoo! April? Where ARE you???
Could someone please explain how it is possible that my son is going to be 8 this month?!? The sheer idea makes me queasy. I swear last week he was 4.

My cousin Amy is planning a trip out here this summer and when we were trying to find time on the calendar for her to come out, it was not an easy task. "Well, we have baseball then and camp then and going to camping with so and so then…"

Maybe I'm just feeling this way lately because spring is finally here, summer is coming and the activities are upon us. Gone are the days of winter hibernation and hunkering down. (again, not complaining - although it's really starting to look that way huh?)

Also, I recently watched Into the Wild - which is a true story about a young guy who gives up everything to live off the land. He has no car, no money, just the belongings on his back. Granted there wasn't a happy ending to this adventure, but there is something so romantic about that notion. Being on your own schedule, doing your own thing when you want and where you want, going wherever the road takes you. Not having to answer the phone or email. Sigh. Heaven right?
Eh, who am I kidding?! I would last 1 week without a shower, my computer, getting my nails done and a really good Mexican meal. Yeah, I know. Make that 3 days. Fine, 2!

I think I just need a weekend with nothing to do and no plans. I think I could pencil that in. Hmmm, I could do that… um, October 11th looks clear.

Or perhaps I could come down with the mysterious SATC Flu. It's a very serious ailment. The only known cure is to sit down to watch back to back episodes of Sex And The City while eating copious amounts Ben and Jerry's. Any flavor will do.

Hey, I'm basically a doctor. Trust me.

A Letter To Ben's Future Wife

Dear Future Daughter In Law or Little Becky as we like to call you,
(Oh I know you think that it's really weird but Ben and I think it's so cute!!!)

Hi! How's it going with my kid? Good huh? Sorry about his really crooked teeth but when he was little it was either buy gas at $4 a gallon or orthodontia and well, I had to get to the mall and my pedicure appointments!

But he's a great husband, isn't he? Wanna know why? Because I shaped him up good!

*When he wanted to eat his granola bar while going to the bathroom, I said "ah, no."

*When he wanted to get a tattoo of a panther playing a guitar with the words "ROCK ON!" on his bicep, did I rush him to the nearest tattoo parlor? Noooo! I said "Um, maybe wait until you are 20. You might change your mind about the design."

*When he would just dropped his dirty underwear on the floor, I would make him pick it up and put it in the laundry room.

*When he would leave his dishes out, I would make him put them into the sink.

*When he put the ice cream in the sink instead of the freezer, well then I didn't actually say anything because hey, life is hard and confusing.

*The one time that he didn't hold the door open for me, I pitched such a fit, he did it EVERY TIME since then. With a smile.

*The guy actually likes to clean the toilet. So whatever he might tell you, don't let him get away with not doing it.

Really. You are welcome. There is no need to thank me. I'll just take 3 grandchildren. Preferably at least one girl. Oh and could you name her Anna after my grandmother? Thanks!
You know, I think me living with you guys is really working out well. Don't you?

Much Love,
Ma

Oh and p.s. we are out of Diet Coke and Ben and Jerry's S'mores ice cream. You know how I can't go to sleep without that stuff. Oh and for some reason my TIVO isn't recording Rock of Love Season 20. Can you fix it? Um soon?! That poor Brett Michaels still hasn't found his love. It's just so sad. Thanks lovey!

The Tooth And The Truth Both Came Out

Last night after a very fun time at the UW Varsity Band concert (Thank you again Katie for the extra tickets!) Ben and I got home very late. We were both exhausted. But apparently not tired enough for Ben to pull his loose tooth out.

Keep in mind this is tooth number 8. For teeth 1-4 we made a pretty big deal out of it. Lots of cheering, lots of examining the new hole in his head, and lots of "WOW! What will the Tooth Fairy bring you?!?!"

For number 8 it went like this:

"Mom, my tooth came out!"
"Cool."
"Yeah, and it's bleeding."
"Yeah, that will happen."
"We need to get a bag for the tooth fairy."

Just the thought of doing the do the whole Tooth Fairy business was too much for this tired old mom. I was so not in the mood to have to wait for him to go to sleep, rummage around to find a dollar, stick it under his pillow, take the tooth, etc. And I thought to myself, "you know, this kid is almost eight..."

"Hey Ben? Do you REALLY believe in the tooth fairy?"
He smiles a HUGE GRIN.
"Yeah. I mean she does give me a dollar each time I lose a tooth."
More smiling from the kid.
"Ben? Can I tell you something?"
Now a chuckle from both of us. "Sure!" he says.
"I'd like you to meet the Tooth Fairy!" and I stuck out my hand for a handshake and we both laugh.
He says "I sort of knew it. But where are all my teeth Mom?"
"My top dresser drawer."

So he runs over, digs and starts to pull out little baggies of tiny teeth.

"WOW Mom! That's sorta gross."
"Tell me about it! So I guess the truth is now out."
"How did you get the tooth out from under my pillow and the dollar in?"
"Well, I'm just that good. Oh and hey, don't let this secret out to any of your friends. They might still believe."
He thinks. Then smiles again and says "I won't. So... where's my buck?"

I told my mother this story today and she laughed and said "Pretty soon you are going to be too lazy to do stocking on Christmas and there goes Santa!"

Well the kid IS technically Jewish...

Does He Know Something I Don't Know...

When picking up Ben from my parents house today he came running at me full speed ahead and gave me the biggest hug the little guy could muster.
"MOMMY!"
"Hi Cutie!"
"MOMMY! You are leaving tomorrow!!" he said while still hugging.
"Honey, I'm just going for one night. I'll be back on Wednesday. I'll even be back in time to take you to soccer practice."
"But I'm going to miss you soooo much!"

[In the car on the way home]

"What do you want for dinner? Mac and cheese and green beans or mini corn dogs?"
"Um, what's the other choice?"
"There is no other choice"
and then mustering up his best dramatic voice "But Moooom, this is out last night together. Let's go out to eat!"
"Honey, I just got back from the gym. I'm all sweaty and gross"
"But we need to make this night SPECIAL. Please!"
"Wow, really? Honey, it's ONE night. It's like having a sleep over at Grandma and Grandpa's house."
"But it's longer than that. It's like 1 1/2 days!!!"
"Fine, how about Subway?" (Trainer Bob would be so proud)
"and then Dairy Queen, Mommy?"
DOH! Scooby Doo hypnotized eyes. Did someone say DQ?!!?
"OK!"
"Then we will go home and snuggle."
"Dude! We are SO getting DQ!"
"You're kinda weird Mom."

You might be thinking to yourself, "Wow that kid just played her like a fiddle."
Oh no Grasshopper. I don't have to cook dinner, therefore there are no dishes to do, AND I'm getting me some DQ! Who wins NOW!?

Google THIS!

When I was a kid, WAAAAY back in the day, and I asked my parents a question they didn't know, they would simply say "I don't know" or worse "Look it up in the dictionary." And pluheeez, what kid actually did that? I know! The smarty pants who developed GOOGLE!

Now don't get me wrong. I love me some Google. I use it like an addict every day. Even if I know the website, eh, it's easier just to Google it. (Plus they have cute employees!)

However as a mother, Google is my nemesis.

First off, now when Ben asks me a question that I don't know, I can't simply pass it off as "Don't know kiddo..." or "Look it up in your set of encyclopedias that Aunt June gave you..." For one, he doesn't have an Aunt June and secondly we don't even own a dictionary not to mention any encyclopedias. So I'm stuck with the response from him of "Well, Google it!"

Case and point, the other evening I was IM'ing with my cousin Amy when Ben asked "What's a Nova?"
"Ah, a star sort of"
"Well is it a star or not?"
"Oh Honey I really don't know."
"Well, Google it!"
"But I'm chatting with Amy"
"Just open another tab and Google it quick"
"Are you 17 or 7?"
"Mom!!"
"Fine. A Nova 'is a cataclysmic nuclear explosion caused by the accretion of hydrogen onto the surface of a white dwarf star.'"
"OK now what is a Nova Dragon?"
"A what?? Oh. My. God! are you serious? I have no idea what a Nova Dragon is."
"GOOGLE IT MOM!"

You see where this is going.

Secondly, you can no longer pass things off as if they don't exist. When your child asks "Let's find a computer game where you can create your own pirate."
Before the Google days I could say "Oh young ignorant child. No such things exist."
Now it's "Mom, I'm going to Google 'Create Your Own Pirate.'" I'm sure you are SHOCKED to find out I recently had to take my computer in for a huge virus clean up. Now freelance Googling is not allowed - which brings us back up to the first point.

You see, Google? You may make life easier for some but for me, you're a pain in the tush.
Maybe I should sue them for Mental Anguish just like these folks did.

Then again, Google isn't a company I would want to piss off. Can you imagine making THEM mad?

"I'm going to Google where the nearest Macy's is. WHAT!? The closest one is in Tallahassee? Weird. I could have sworn there was one in Madison. Well what about Crate and Barrel? Why is it taking me to www.yousuck.com?"

On second thought. Hi Google. Not really mad. Have you lost weight? You look SO SKINNY!

We Gave Back

Last night I got suckered into watching American Idol Gives Back. Trust me. This show had some serious SUCK YOU IN abilities. It's one of those evil things where you say all cocky like "I'm just going to watch it while I pick up the living room." 2 hours later you are still sitting there, on the couch sucking your thumb and muttering things in a monotone voice like "But Bono is going to be on and he's in AFRICA!"

There we were, Mother and Son sharing some quality time in front of the boob tube. At one point, while tearing up watching these children in Africa dying of Malaria because they didn't have mosquito nets to keep the bugs away, I looked over at Ben. There he was, freshly bathed in his highness's Bath and Body Works bubble bath, wearing his clean and cozy Land's End pajamas while playing his Nintendo DS. To say I had a pang of massive guilt would be putting it mildly. So I said "Hey, I want you to put that down and watch some of this with me. We are VERY fortunate. Look at those poor poor people." So he did. And soon he too got that Scooby Doo hypnotized look, until he snapped out of it and said "MOM! We have to call and give them some money!"

Now normally I'm the "I don't give money just time and blood" type. Really, I am the Red Crosses dream come true. I have 0 neg, and I'm lousy with the stuff. Plus needles don't bother me so every time there is a blood drive at work, I'm one of the first to sign up.
Unfortunately American Idol didn't want my blood. They just wanted my cold hard cash. Or rather my credit card number. And how could I possibly say no since I was getting it from both sides. My own flesh and blood looking up at me with THOSE EYES and then from those darling kids thousands of miles away. They were also giving me The Eyes. My Super Powers don't stand a chance when there are kid's big eyes involved.
Plus the idea of calling and possibly getting to talk to one of the top 12 American Idols was WAY worth the money. I wanted nothing more than to get Brooke White on the phone and say "Look sister, I'm going to give you some cash but first you are going to listen to me and LISTEN GOOD! Get a stylist who isn't on crack and do it soon. oh and p.s. STOP CRYING ALL THE FRICKIN' TIME!"
Well much to our annoyance the lines were busy. All the time! Nice planning Fox. Next time you get Myle Cyrus asking you to call in, get more LINES!
Have no fear! Ryan Seacrest to the rescue! "Folks, if you can't get through on the phone lines you can go to http://www.americanidol.com/"

So we did. And we gave. Not a lot (as I'm not Simon Cowell for god's sake) but enough for a mosquito net in Kenya. And you know what? It felt really good.

My Baby Done All Growed Up

Ben is growing up before my eyes. Last night I looked over the dinner table at my boy as we were talking about the next National Holiday - his 8th Birthday - and I almost got sick. He's going to be EIGHT! That's so close to TEN! He's so big! Where did my baby go?
Just the other day he asked my parents to measure him. They have a wall in their kitchen with every one's heights on it. Sadly mine from childhood has been painted over. I see how I rate. But on there now are all the Madison grandsons.
My mom went into the kitchen to measure Ben while my dad and I were hanging out in the dining room. Soon after we heard my mom exclaim "Oh my god Ben! You have grown so much since August!" Proud Grandpa and I went in to see that indeed young Master Sewell has grown almost 3 inches since August 10th 2007! No wonder all his pants look like Capri's. I said "Wow guy! Did that hurt?!"


The major event that spurred the "I NEED TO BE MEASURED" episode was… dun dun dun… Ben got TIE SHOES! Yes I realize in back in my day there was no other alternative to tie shoes as Velcro wasn't even invented. We had a horse and buggy and I had to walk up hill BOTH ways to school in the freezing rain and snow. Everyday! But these days, ties shoes are for the elite children. Also known as kids whose parents aren't painfully lazy and can't take time away from their blogs and Oprah to teach their kids how to tie their darn shoes.

Things had gotten so desperate that on his 6th birthday, his friend Stella had to tie his bowling shoes for him. Clearly she has one of those "good" mom's.

Finally the whining and pleading from Ben to get tie shoes won over. Also the fact that the little dude is almost 8 and if I didn't teach him to tie shoes, Social Services would be knocking at my door saying "Ma'am, we have a complaint that there is an almost 8 year old boy in this house who reportedly can't ride a two-wheeler bike, doesn't like grilled cheese, won't drink or even taste soda and he CAN'T TIE HIS SHOES! He'll have to come with us."

So again being the very involved supportive and UN-LAZY mother that I am, my parents took him shopping on Friday night while I was out and about on the town. They bought him the coolest TIE SHOES EVER and even taught him to tie his shoes. (Thanks Dad!!!) If you want to stop here and go nominate me for Mother Of The Year Award, please do. I'll be here. Waiting.
Although, hey! I am the one who has documented this major occasion and published it on The Internets for all the world to see. So take that!

Check out that technique?!?!
And nope. You aren't seeing things. You are really witnessing the coolest second grader on the planet.

But Ben? Could you just stop now? Stop growing up. Right now!
OK?
Please?
I'll buy you a pony!

Thanks.
Love Mom.

The Tortoise and The Hare

Amy has inspired me to get in shape. She just recently started running and when I was in Seattle I saw how much she loves it and how great she feels. Therefore, I will emulate her. I have started a hearty exercise routine. 3 days a week I'm going to the gym, 3 days a week I'll walk and soon to be run. And once I actually get to all those days of continuous exercise, I will definitely let you know.
Yesterday I got to my parents house after work to see if my mom wanted to walk with me. Since she already walked, I was ready to go alone. Until my spry little child said "I'll go with you Mommy!"
"OK great but you have to really move honey. This is Mommy's exercise. No dawdling… OK?"
"OK!"
Out we go. Again I have to remind him to not trail behind. "Remember honey, I really want to get some- "
and he was already off! He ran up to the corner and waited for me.
"Sometimes when I think I'm going to get cold I run!"
I'm all, well this won't last for the whole walk.
Wrong.
Oh so very wrong.
Early on I realized, I am the Tortoise. He is the Hare. Except I wasn't going to win this race.

At the bottom of this huge hill, I prepared myself for the haul up. Ben took off RUNNING. UP. THE. HILL! and again waited for his Tortoise of a mother to huff and puff her way to the top.
Once up there, and onto the next block he called "Race ya to the corner" To which I replied, "OK, I'm coming to get-" And just like that he was already AT the corner, playing with a stick he found and digging up worms.

The child hopped, skipped, ran, twirled and TALKED the whole way of the 45 minute walk. Never ONCE out of breath.
At one point when we were on the bike path and the wind was blowing it's Gail forced winds directly at us. I leaned in, head down, determined to keep going. Stupidly I thought Ben would be behind me doing the same. All the sudden out of the corner of my left eye I see this blur of a 57 lb boy come flying by me arms outstretched shouting something about being the "King of the Wind!" As I muttered to myself "You have GOT to be kidding me. What did this kid eat for lunch?"
When we finally got back to my parents house, he exclaimed "That was fun Mommy! Let's do that again!"

"Hey. How many recesses do you guys have at school?"
"Three! Why?"
"No reason."

Old goal: work out 5-6 times a week, lose 20-30 lbs, feel great, look great, blah blah blah.
New goal: Just keep up with the kid.

Mother Mikkimoto Parenting Tip

When your child is small and he has twinkle eyes and cheeks like this:

and curls like that,
take pictures and keep them readily available.

So when he looks like this:

and says things like "MOM! I don't want to talk about it! OK!!?" or "FINE! MOM! Just STOP!" and then gives you an eye roll so big it shifts the gravitational pull of the moon....

you can look back at this picture of your sweet little imp when he was little and didn't talk back

and therefore you will be not be so tempted to put him on a unheated train car headed to Eastern Europe where he will be adopted by Evzen and Eliska and will spend the rest of his days working on their potato farm.

Of course I'm kidding. I'd make sure his train car was heated. Sheesh... what kind of mother do you think I am?

An Early Morning Conversation With a Very Religiously Confused Boy

Mommy, for your birthday, let's go to a bakery to get doughnuts!

Ooh, good idea! But they might not be open because it's Easter.

It's Easter!? TODAY?!?

Yep.

Why don't we celebrate Easter? I want to!

Well honey, we are Jewish and Easter is a Christian holiday.

We are part Jewish and part Christian.

Actually, no. We are ALL Jewish.

But we celebrate Christmas.

*long pause*

Hmmm, ah yes we do but that's because we believe in Santa.

*another long pause*

Oh. OK.

Bus Drama

Ben takes the bus to school. Everyday. Whoever knows me knows that this "bus thing" has been an issue with me since the first day of kindergarten. I think it's because our mornings are INSANE as it is so having to catch the bus is just the cherry on top of the frantic sundae that is our weekday mornings.
Side note: I drive Ben to the bus stop in the morning. Not because I can't handle the 2 block walk but because it makes me get into work that much faster.

This is the first day of second grade.
We made it to the bus on time that day. Needless to say I don't have pictures of us running down the sidewalk with me yelling "WAIT WAIT! WE HAVE ONE MORE!"

I can't even tally how much of my life has been spent in these past 3 years chasing this yellow bus down the streets of Madison. Or how much of our lives have been spent waiting and waiting and waiting to see it's headlights come up over the horizon. All the while saying a silent prayer that we didn't miss it and therefore have to hightail it to the next bus stop, hurl my kid out of the car while screaming at the other mothers "HOLD THAT BUS!" Ah, such class.

Al, my favorite of all the bus drivers, used to know my car so when he would see me in his rearview mirror he would literally stop in the middle of the street so I could rush Ben into the bus. I miss Al.

You see, as of late, the bus company has been doing something that resembles Murphy Brown's ever changing secretaries. (does anyone remember that show besides me?) I swear we get a new bus driver every 40 days. This may not seem like much to someone who doesn't have such a volatile relationship with the bus, but for me, it's a huge stressor because it usually takes them 40 days to get the route down.
Case and point, the newest bus driver. He's young, he's new and he's an IDIOT! The dude hasn't made it to the bus stop at the same time once! And just 1 minute can make a world of difference. Well at least to "frazzled-not-morning" mothers like me.

Monday, he was so late I was thinking we missed it so I started to drive forward to the next street when all the sudden it turns the corner and is coming right at us. I started to yell, with Ben laughing so hard in the back seat I thought he was going to puke "Oh my god! BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP!"
This morning I thought, ok he was late yesterday, he's going to be super early today. "Ben! Go go go! Get those boots on! Get your coat! For the love of everything that is holy, we are going to miss the bus!!"

We get to the bus stop at 7:07. I think we have a couple minutes as normally he should be there at 7:10. We wait. We wait. I start to get that feeling in my stomach. Ben encourages me to check another stop. As we drive, I see one of the dad's from another stop walking down the street on his way to work. NOT a good sign. I roll down my window…

"Did we miss it?"

"Yep" he says! "He was super early today. 3 kids had to make a run for it!"

As I'm driving Ben to school - which is amazingly out of the way and makes me amazingly crabby - I'm thinking about the complaint I’m going to call in as soon as I get to into work.
Instead, I write a post about this and all is well. Until tomorrow when I drag my half sleeping child to the bus stop 20 minutes early!

I'll show you Hot Shot! Oh, I'll show you…